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Ponderings Collection #13

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why Isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
 

EASTER RIDDLES

Q: Did you hear the one about the Easter Bunny who sat on a bee?
A: It’s a tender tail!
Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare dryer!
Q: How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A: Eggs (X) marks the spot!
Q: What will the Easter Bunny be doing after Easter?
A: One to three for breaking and entering.
Q: Did you hear the one about the fifty-pound jelly bean?
A: It’s pretty hard to swallow!
Q: What did the rabbits do after their wedding?
A: Went on their bunnymoon!
Q: Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens?
A: He wanted them to lay colourful eggs!
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
Q: What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?
A: They lived hoppily ever after!
Q: Who delivers Easter treats to all the fish in the sea?
A: The Oyster Bunny!
Q: How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A: By hare mail!
Q: What do you need if your chocolate eggs mysteriously disappear?
A: You need an eggsplanation!
Q: How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
A: Hide in the bushes and make a noise like a carrot!
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?
A: Because the powder puff is on the other end!
Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken!
Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny after a hard day’s work?
A: Tired.
Q: How does a rabbit keep his fur looking good?
A: With hare spray!
Q: How does the Easter Bunny say Happy Easter?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare-dryer!
Q: Do you know how the Easter bunny stays in shape?
A: Hareobics.
Q: Why did the bunny go to the dance?
A: To do the bunny hop!
Q: How does the Easter bunny stay healthy?
A: Eggercise.
Q: What kinds of books do bunnies like?
A: Ones with hoppy endings!
Q: What do you call cute little rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Easter parade?
A: Hot, cross bunnies.
Q: Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
A: Because it has four rabbit’s feet!
Q: How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur neat?
A: With a hare brush!
Q: Where does Valentine’s Day comes after Easter?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.
Q: What do you call 13 rabbits marching backwards?
A: A receding hareline.
Q: What does a rooster say to a hen he likes?
A: Your one hot chick!
Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken!
Q: How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?
A: Only one – after that it’s not empty any more!
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?
A: It might crack up!
Q: How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?
A: He said it was eggs-cellent!
Q: What do you call a rabbit that tells good jokes?
A: A funny bunny!
Q: How does the Easter Bunny travel?
A: By hare plane!
Q: What do you call a dumb bunny?
A: A hare brain!
Q: Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?
A: Because the chicken had his Easter eggs!
Q: What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
A: Join the Hare Force.
Q: How do you make a rabbit stew?
A: Make it wait for three hours!
Q: What did the grey rabbit say to the blue rabbit?
A: Cheer up!
Q: Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?
A: Because it doesn’t taste as good if I stuff it in my ears.
Q: Why did you drive the lawn mower over your Easter basket?
A: I thought the plastic grass was growing too high!
Q: Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry?
A: Because it’s always on a sundae!
Q: Did you about the Easter Bunny that sat on an ice-cream cone?
A: It’s a long cold tail!

Source: http://easterjokes.org/


 


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